Form or Substance

Form, or Substance?

Jaq was fifteen, and the time had arrived for him to choose the first form
he would live in for the next six years.

Jaq’s best friend, Marty, had chosen to be an anthrophomorphic wolf, which
to Jaq seemed perfect for Marty. Since the first time they had met, over
seven years ago, Marty had always lived, breathed, and talked nothing but
wolves. Jaq smiled as he remembered Marty’s excitement as the Great
Change Day arrived.

"Will you still be my best friend, Marty?" Jaq had asked before Marty left
for the Uporium.

"Of course, Jaq! After all, I'm just changing forms, not personalities!" Marty
had affectionately ruffled Jaq’s hair, and then had bounded out the door.

Sighing, Jaq frowned slightly as he also remembered how it had seemed to
him that his friend Marty had undergone a personality change, rather than
just a form change. Their friendship, which had seemed so rich and
everlasting, had slowly dribbled away. Even though Jaq continued to seek
out Marty’s company, the newly formed Wolven had evaded Jaq’s every
attempt.

In Jaq’s society, it was an accepted fact that changing one’s form sometimes
changed one’s perception, however much Jaq’s mother reassured him that
no one really changed.

Unable to still the uneasiness within his heart, Jaq returned his attention to
the application forms on the table in front of him.

‘Have you spoken to anyone who has the Form you have chosen?’

Jaq looked at the question, and his frown deepened. Unsure of whom to talk
to about his chosen form, he had last week conferred with his school
counselor, who had directed him to the Center for Humanity. He had been
hesitant to go, but his mother had convinced him that he should avail himself
of all assistance in deciding which form to take.

Jaq had made the appointment, and arrived at the appointed time; a little
hesitant, teeth worrying at his bottom lip. Just as he walked up to the door, it
opened. A small, white-haired woman had come scurrying out the door; eyes
flashing with barely concealed rage. Jaq lept out of her way, his eyes
following the woman as she glided past. And then... now here’s the strange
thing... as he watched her, he thought he saw a glimmer of wings and an
agitated tail trailing behind her.

Jaq stopped at the memory, and shook his head slowly. [No, he whispered
to himself softly, that couldn’t have been...]

He remembered walking into the Center for Humanity, somewhat dazed, and
asking to speak to a Dragon.

Jaq stopped once more, his brown eyes troubled. Why had he asked to speak
to a Dragon? He had intended to speak to a Wolven. Jaq was sure once he
was in the same form as his friend, Marty, their friendship would resume.

When the Dragon had come into the conference room, Jaq had smiled. The
dragon form that the Counselor had chosen was that of a small, red dragon...
but two feet in length, and wingless. Jaq had always assumed that Dragons
were huge, usually measuring at least forty feet in length, and all of the
Dragons that he had seen previously had been winged.

"How may I assist you, Friend?" chimed the Dragon.

Startled, Jaq stammered, "I’m... uh, not quite sure... Why is your voice so
musical?" Jaq brightened with embarrassment, for he hadn’t meant to be so
startled by the Dragon’s voice.

Lilting laughter came from the Dragon, and it curled up on the table in front
of Jaq.

"Monique would say that it is because I am perverse, I’m sure. But I just
think that Dragons are too beautiful to be put into one strident mold. My name
is Distra’al. What is yours?" the small Dragon inquired.

Fascinated by Distra’al, and disarmed by the musical voice, Jaq introduced
himself. The session that followed was filled with warmth and laughter, and
even today, Jaq could not remember every word that was said. However,
toward the end of the session, Jaq had suddenly asked if Distra’al knew the
small woman who had made such an impression on him at the door.

Aquamarine eyes brightening, Distra’al had begun to tell Jaq a story. A story
of a woman, born with a dragon’s soul, stranded in a human’s body, and
determined that it should remain so for all time.

"But why? When we can easily change our forms, why would she chose to
remain in her human one?" Jaq had asked, plainly puzzled by such
stubborness.

Distra’al had smiled, the way that all dragons do, and in her musical voice,
asked, "Why not ask her yourself, Friend?"

The question still echoed in Jaq’s mind.

Putting his pen down in disgust, he realized he would not be completing the
application until he had found this woman, and asked her why she chose to
remain in her human form.

It wasn’t really hard to track her down. A few simple questions at the Center
for Humanity had led him to the door of a simple frame house by the ocean.
Seashell chimes softly clanked in the light breeze, and he gazed at the ocean
for a moment to gather his courage.

Knocking on the door, he braced himself for the flashing eyes, and was
surprised when no one answered his knock. He knocked several times, but
finally decided that she must not be home. Dejected, he wandered down to the
ocean’s edge, eyes unseeing as the red-gold sunset displayed against the
water’s reflection.

"Beautiful, isn’t it?" a soft, human voice spoke from behind him.

Twirling around, he noticed the small woman sitting beneath a shelf of rock.
Her legs were curled under her, and she was gazing at him with a look of
amusement.

"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have disturbed your contemplation of the sunset." So
saying, she slowly got up and started to walk back to her house.

"No! Please! Wait!" Jaq stammered out.

Running after her, he slowed as he saw her stop and then turn around. Her
questioning eyes became remote, and the smile faded from her lips.

"Again, young man, I apologize for disturbing your contemplation of the
sunset. Beyond that, you are, in fact, on my portion of the beach..." She
turned once again and continued up to her house.

Jaq cursed softly under his breath, [Gods! Old people are such touchy
critters!] and continued his pursuit, only at a slower pace.

"Are you following me, young man?" the small woman threw back over her
shoulder.

"Please, I’m sorry... you surprised me, is all. I really have come specifically
to talk to you. Please, ma’am," he pleaded, "may I? Speak to you, that is?"

The woman paused upon her porch, looked at him searchingly... seeming to
see deep inside of him. Apparantly, whatever she saw reassured her, because
she invited him inside.

Colours and smells assailed Jaq from every side, and his first impression of
the inside of the house was Chaos. First one painting, then another ceramic
dragon vied for his focus and attention, all seeming alive.

The woman gently touched his hand, and he found that as she did, he was able
to focus on her and the chaotic effect subsided.

His heart racing in confusion, Jaq looked deep into her eyes, and was disturbed
as he noticed that her irises swirled. "I... I came to ask why you don't have a
Dragon form..." he stammered.

"Ah" the woman smiled, and guided him gently to a chair. Sitting across from
him, she asked, "And why do you think I need a dragon form, young man?
Hmmm, do you have a name? Mine is Elise."

He looked at her somewhat in confusion. "My name is Jaq. And you are a dragon,
trapped in human form... or, at least, that’s what Distra’al, my Counselor at the
Center for Humanity, said..." he trailed off, as he noticed Elise’s eyes beginning
to twirl. [Twirl? he thought. Argh! What have I gotten into?]

Laughing softly, Elise patted his hand reassuringly. "Distra’al, eh? And how is
my misguided friend? I didn’t realize she was a Counselor at the Center."

"She’s fine. Oh, Distra’al is a she? I, I wasn’t sure..." he fought down the panic
that was rising in him.

"There, there," Elise crooned, "It’s alright, really. I apologize for frightening you. I
will stop." Slowly, the soft glow that had surrounded her since they had entered
her house left her, and she appeared as she was; a small, elderly woman, soft
white hair falling to her shoulders, with a smile as she gazed at him with warm
brown eyes. "You surprised me, as well, friend Jaq. And when I am surprised, I
tend to let the dragon within, out." Laughing in her soft, old voice, she talked to
Jaq of inconsequential things, to put him at his ease.

Relaxing, Jaq listened to her voice. It was a calm voice, full of age and a simple
wisdom.

"I see you are much more comfortable, friend Jaq. Now, as to why you are here?"
Elise smiled at Jaq encouragingly.

Not knowing where to start, Jaq burst out with, "My friend, Marty, who is now
a Wolven, says that every human is born into the wrong form. That this is why
we must chose our form when we are grown, and that it is right and just that
we do so. All of my friends have always known what form they will take when
they are grown... all except me." Stopping suddenly, he looked at Elise, to see
if she understood any of his incoherent babbling.

Nodding her head wisely, Elise took his hand. The papery softness of her hand
comforted him, somehow, and he continued. "I thought I would become a Wolven,
like my friend Marty, but now... well, now I’m not sure what form I want. And I’m
not really sure why I had to see you... nor why I saw what I saw as you were
leaving the Center for Humanity last week..."Jaq trailed off, more confused than
ever.

"And what did you see, Jaq?"she inquired quietly.

"I... well, I thought I saw nebulous wings... and... and a tail!" he exclaimed
excitedly. "Is that possible? Did I really see that?"

Elise smiled. "It’s possible, although, to my knowledge, not many can see." She
arose from her seat, and made her way to the kitchen. "Would you like some tea?"
she asked.

"No, no thank you." Jaq answered, somewhat distracted.

Jaq was now even more confused. He didn't know what it meant, that he could
see what he had seen... and wasn't sure he even wanted to. Although seeing
wings and tails wasn't unusual, at least not when others were in those forms...
still, seeing them on a human was, well, just too strange.

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that you don't want to take a Dragon
form?"he asked thoughtfully.

Coming back into the room with a cup of tea, Elise sat down in the chair. She
seemed to compose herself before she answered. "I suppose it does, and it
doesn’t. You see, I spent a lot of time in my middle age looking for the answer
of why I was so opposed to taking on the form of that which I knew I was. Namely,
a Dragon. And after a very lot of soul searching, and quite a few questions and
discussions with my peers and other dragons, I finally came to a conclusion."

After sipping the hot tea, she continued thoughtfully. "I often wondered why I was
born with the soul of a dragon in a human form. When I was your age, I wanted
nothing more than to be able to assume what I felt was my True Form. But the
technology was not available, then. I’m quite old, you know... over 100 in human
terms." She smiled. "And even older in dragon terms. By the time the technology
was ready, my need to assume my True Form had taken a distinct backseat to
my need to understand and fully explore my humanity."

Jaq thought about this, and then asked, "But, almost everyone today chooses
the form they feel most comfortable with. Why would you choose a human form,
when even as young as I am, I can tell your true form is that of a dragon?"

"Have you ever asked yourself why most humans carry within them other
forms? I mean, what do humans find so repulsive about their own forms, that
they would choose to be that which they are not?" A slow smile spread across her
aged face. "I asked myself these very questions, and amazingly, one day, I
actually heard an answer."

Curious, Jaq leaned closer to this elderly woman, fascinated by her quiet
certaintude. "Heard an answer?" he inquired.

"Yes, young Jaq... and from inside of myself." She grinned, shaking her head
slightly. "For awhile, I thought that it was my own fear of change that had formed
the thought... or that my personality was being split into two by the questions I
was always asking myself. But I slowly came to the realization that I had been
‘hearing’ another voice for as long as I could remember. And that the voice had
been a constant guide all of my life."

"You see, it is my belief, now, that the reason we humans serve as vessels
for other forms is because those other forms have as much to learn from us
as we have to learn from them. This has been confirmed by my ‘voice’." She
smiled. "And a few have confirmed that I am insane for my beliefs, too."

Jaq frowned in an earnest attempt to understand. "You mean, if I don’t feel
the presense of another form, say... that of a Wolven, it means I’m not worthy
of learning from?"

"Not at all!" she answered stridently. "I would say, if you do not feel the
presense of another form, it may be that you aren’t listening close enough."
Grinning, she again reached out and patted Jaq’s hand. "Listening is an art, Jaq.
One that is only attained through practice and active participation."

Jaq, though reassured by her touch, was still troubled, and asked the final
question which had been forming in his mind for the last two weeks.

"What form, then, should I take? If I do not feel the presense of any ‘other’, what
should I do?"

"Why take on a form other then the one you were given, Jaq? I know it is a part
of our society today, but there are still quite a few humans. You wouldn’t be
ostracized for chosing to be human, although you might be thought a little
strange." Sighing, she gazed out the window into the now dark night. "You could
chose to remain as you are until you know who or what you are. And you may
find that who you are is enough... for this lifetime, at least."

Feeling that there was something final in her words, Jaq rose from his seat.
Reaching down, he placed a soft kiss upon her silver locks.

"Thank you, Elise. For answering my questions, and for giving me something
to think about."

Smiling, Elise rose from her chair and walked with Jaq to the front door.

"Remember, young Jaq... find your questions, then find your answers, and be
happy with what you find."

Jaq leaned on the railing of the tramway all of the way home, going over in his
mind the strange day, and the even stranger old woman.

When he arrived home, his father (a Badger) was looking through the papers he
had left on the table. "Your mother was concerned, Jaq. You were gone so long.
Are you all right?"

Looking at his father, Jaq realized that he really was all right. He had the
beginning of his questions, and someday he would find his answers. And, he felt,
he really would be happy with them.

The End

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